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20 May 2007 @ 01:39 am
thank you  
for all the kind messages, comments, emails and smses...

thank you.

:)

every word is appreciated. i wish i could reply to each and every one of you, but i have been stretched out so thin everyday. besides, i really just want to say one thing to all of you - thank you. :)

i've been busy, tired, and my mood has simply gone to the dogs. i guess i'm more affected than i thought i was. i'm in fact listening to my playlist of tracks that ngak used to sing every week at club116, where we all used to drown our work sorrows, come rain or (moon)shine. without coordinating with anyone, everyone would just turn up on wednesday and friday nights. val, edmund and cher, ervin and linda, alex, adeline, shin, melody, eugene, serena, moira, vernon, chris, chaani, cavin, jim, lester, nick... i bet i've left out more names. there were so many of us. and every time, we'd hear these songs delivered with our superstar-diva's soulful voice. this is music i associate with that chapter of my life that was club116.

how surreal that one of us has left this world. exactly one week ago.

i have always wondered about death. i've wondered about death since i was 5. when i first learnt of the concept, i obsessed about it for days, trying to figure out exactly what happens when people die. i gave up eventually because no one had a good answer for me. it stayed in my mind, a fuzzy question mark. i would sometimes get distressed by this lack of clarity, because i really wanted to know what would happen to my mother when the time comes for her to leave me. i had recurring nightmares of mother being bundled away by a white van, as i cry and run after it on my bare little feet. the dreams stopped eventually, but the questions remained.

do we have souls? where do souls go? would we be conscious? would we have an identity? can i still love the people i love in this lifestime? or would i forget everything, everyone? would i lose all my memories, the good and the bad?

would anything still matter, when we are ashes?
Tags:
 
 
feelin': pensivepensive
 
 
 
The Citygentcitygent on May 20th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
I'd love to be able to answer those questions...
JV: speckydrag0nette on May 22nd, 2007 11:25 am (UTC)
let me know when you come to a theory! :)
Okami-kunokami_kun on May 21st, 2007 01:45 am (UTC)
116
those were the good days =)
JV: cuedrag0nette on May 22nd, 2007 11:23 am (UTC)
Re: 116
absolutely. :)
.that girl.: new shoesgirlwhowaits on May 21st, 2007 01:58 am (UTC)
loooooooooooong one.
Do we have souls? Fundamentally I believe so, regardless of what religion you were brought up to believe in. It's our conscience, and the subconsciousness that lives inside us. It's what makes us stop at doing things we believe is morally/ethically wrong.

Manny believes our souls go to Heaven upon death. Being the Taoist I believe we linger around and then move forward to another life (reincarnation) but no one has a straight answer because it's pretty much the unknown and maybe that's why it piques so much interest in our minds.

Alamak. This is too early for me to think about this topic :p Much love babe xoxo.
JV: shootbirddrag0nette on May 22nd, 2007 11:22 am (UTC)
Re: loooooooooooong one.
when i was in my teens, i used to get into this weird zone where i suddenly wonder if i really exist... used to happen several times a year. i'd just zone out and not know where i am or what i'm doing, sometimes mid-sentence. it was... odd. it doesn't happen anymore, thankfully. :p

<3
xoxo
(Anonymous) on May 21st, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
loss
Just catching up, I've been out of town and missing my blog reads - I saw Indy on the weekend and he mentioned that Alex was gone now and I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this and to read your very touching posts.

A friend of mine died recently too, after a short and intense illness. It's not pleasant, not at all, and it makes us ask these questions - it is in our nature to ask. It is probably not in our destiny to be happy with the answers, or to understand why things turn out the way they do...

But we go on, that is in our nature as well.

E@L
JV: leaf116drag0nette on May 22nd, 2007 11:18 am (UTC)
Re: loss
thanks phil. :)

a friend of a friend died in his sleep this morning... death is all around, it seems. yes, we go on. but i can't help but keep wondering. life, birth, and death - it is all so amazing.
WickedWeedwickedweed on May 22nd, 2007 09:17 am (UTC)
you missed out JASON!!!!
heehee.
i still remember i kena chiet by you over the pool game.
JV: playdrag0nette on May 22nd, 2007 11:14 am (UTC)
hehehehehe!
lingding_a_linggg on May 25th, 2007 07:39 am (UTC)
it was really heart wrenching. i asked myself the exact questions too many times.
JV: leaf116drag0nette on May 26th, 2007 08:00 am (UTC)
and we continue to ponder these as life goes on... :)

let me know when you hit on an idea!
(Anonymous) on May 25th, 2007 04:20 pm (UTC)
Death is, of course, the high cost of living.

Our lives are like a giant bundle of threads that weave through space and time. One ends, another begins.

This person who was around, is now merely in the minds and memories of those who knew them, like an old, treasured game on a floppy disc (well.. that's sorta how I see it) They never grow older, the things they said will echo about inside of you til the end of your days.

My mother lives on in me, in my memories, in the garden she planted and taught me to care for. As a consequence my mother now exists in all green, growing things. Everyone who has a long, long plait and a smiling unabashed face makes me double-take and for a flickering moment, she's there again.

Use the utter inevitability of the thing to appreciate what you have all the more. There are so many more things I wanted to know before she went. Go... ask people the things you really want to know.

off you go, then!
miasmafnork on May 25th, 2007 04:22 pm (UTC)
oops... not logged in!
Death is, of course, the high cost of living.

Our lives are like a giant bundle of threads that weave through space and time. One ends, another begins.

This person who was around, is now merely in the minds and memories of those who knew them, like an old, treasured game on a floppy disc (well.. that's sorta how I see it) They never grow older, the things they said will echo about inside of you til the end of your days.

My mother lives on in me, in my memories, in the garden she planted and taught me to care for. As a consequence my mother now exists in all green, growing things. Everyone who has a long, long plait and a smiling unabashed face makes me double-take and for a flickering moment, she's there again.

Use the utter inevitability of the thing to appreciate what you have all the more. There are so many more things I wanted to know before she went. Go... ask people the things you really want to know.

off you go then!
JV: bunnydrag0nette on May 26th, 2007 07:57 am (UTC)
Re: oops... not logged in!
*waves paws at you and bounces off*

:)