i'd found her weak at the bottom of her jar, and knew my worst fears were coming true. i've in fact had this conversation with uncle jeremy and uncle john several times. signs to watch out for, and how i should take pride in the fact that i gave her a wonderful life. but no matter how prepared i thought i was, it's still hard.
i've always wanted to hold her in my hand. i wasn't gonna let her die on the cold hard plastic floor of her jar, so i managed to get her to walk onto my hand so i could cradle her in her final moments. i held her for over an hour. as she weakened and slowly curled in the warmth of my palm, i thought about how she has changed my life - this one wonderful little brown creature. from the day she scared the shit outta me when i knew nothing about spiders, to how she slowly won a place in my heart over the past months. every time she peered at me with her furry little face, my heart would melt a little.
it has been such a lovely journey with my princess. i did suspect she was quite mature, from her markings and size as compared to others of her same kind as i got to see more of them in the past months. i just didn't think it would be so soon. i'm glad she managed to raise three batches of wonderful kids. i'd like to think she had a fulfilling and happy life. and i'm glad i was here to see her off in her final moments.
rest in peace, my beautiful girl. thank you for appearing in my bathroom when you did that morning. thank you for everything you've done to me. thank you for becoming an important part of my life and for opening my eyes. thank you for being such an awesome little spideykid. you will always be the most special one. i'm going to miss you. very, very much.